The Babysitters
by Imagination Central
Summary: When Naruto is forced into babysitting on a lazy Saturday night, he doesn't quite realize what he's getting into until it's too late. Yaoi (boyxboy) and mature language
1. Forcery

**A/N - This story is supposed to be, at least in my minds eye, a three shot. I don't know if it'll stay that way, but expect that for now. Also: this is not a SakuNaru or SakuIta story, even though it ****_may_**** seem like it at first. Now that I've gone over everything that I can remember, please enjoy the story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Obviously.**

**~x~x~x~**

Sakura stared nervously at the door to Naruto's apartment, trying to figure out just how she should break the news to him. The thing was, she had offered to babysit for the nice, newlywed couple that had just moved in down the street from her. However, now her real job, working security at an esteemed business building, the Uchiha brother's, building, actually, required her to add more hours in. They needed her for some super important press-meeting. Sakura wouldn't have been pissed off if she hadn't promised to babysit; she would always accept attractive, rich men in suits with open arms. But she had promised to babysit, and now that had put her in a rather unsatisfactory spot. So here she stood, still debating if asking Naruto to fill in for her would be the _best_ idea.

She could hear the faint roar of his TV behind the door, and she rolled her eyes and frowned, remembering why she had chosen Naruto in the first place. He had absolutely nothing to do.

Steeling her resolve, Sakura pounded her fist to the door and took a step back, crossing her arms and waiting as she heard Naruto stumble across his living room, then slam into the door as he tripped over something.

He opened the door while rubbing his face, squishing his eyes shut in annoyance. His blonde hair was wild and sticking out in all directions, and his eyes were tired and sleepy. He looked adorable. Sakura raised an eyebrow at him and once he was done rubbing his eyes with the pads of his long fingers, he looked at her.

"Oh, hey, Sakura." He said lazily, his eyelids drooping low.

"Hi, Naruto," she beamed, and stepped into his apartment, pushing him back and closing the door behind her. He stumbled over a large pillow on the floor and hit his head on the edge of his couch. Sakura ignored the string of curse words that promptly flew her way, and inspected his living room.

He had made a camp of sorts. He had about five comforters for beds sprawled on the floor, topped off with at least thirty orange pillows, all protected by the surrounding, stiff cushions of his black leather couch. He had made himself a camp. This did nothing but make her feel even _less_ guilty about asking him to babysit. He was already making forts. He could do that at someone else's and get paid for it.

"I have a… favor," she spoke slowly, suddenly unsure of how to propose her demand to him. Because it was not a question. She was not going to ask, 'Naruto, will you please babysit this poor innocent soul for me?' No. Of course not. She was going to demand, 'Naruto, you lazy fuck, I have a job for you. Go babysit a child for me.' Yes. That sounded more like it.

Naruto's annoyed blue eyes snapped up to her in horror. "No. No way. I am not doing one of your 'favors' again, you pink-haired witch."

Sakura brushed his comment away with a quick flick of her hand. "No, it's not one of _those_ favors, Naruto. I need you to babysit for me."

The color drained so quickly out of the blonde's face that Sakura was surprised he didn't pass out right there. He glanced around his living room from his position on the floor, looked down at himself, clad in a grease-stained white shirt and ugly cut-off gray sweat shorts. Then he glanced back up at Sakura. Back down at himself. Repeated the actions at least five more times, then proclaimed, "_What_?"

Sakura huffed and checked her watch, worrying her lip. "I need you to babysit. I promised this really cute couple in my neighborhood that I would, but then work called me and I have to go in, and I need someone to go babysit the poor kid, and you're not anything, and I know you're not opposed to money. I mean come _on_. You're already building pillow forts!"

Naruto glanced defensively at his fortress of pillowy softness. "I _like_ pillow forts, you asshole."

"Watch your language around the child, Naruto. And, for your information, children also like pillow forts." Sakura paused. "Hey! For all we know, you could make your new best friend over there."

Naruto growled and threw a pillow from his vast collection at her. "You _disgust_ me," he sighed, falling back into his kingdom, defeated. "What time do I have to be over there? And where the fuck is there, anyway?"

"_Language_. And I already wrote down all the directions and rules and set them inside your car. You have to be over there by eight. So clean your filthy self up and _don't be late_." Sakura shook her finger at him, and the blonde rolled his eyes.

"I really hate you Sakura," he mumbled, and she grinned happily at him.

"Oh, I know Naruto," she replied with a snicker, then slipped quickly out the door.

~x~x~x~

Sakura just barely made it in time. After she had convinced, or rather, forced, Naruto to babysit, she had dashed to her car and drove like a mad man home, the whole way checking her watch religiously. Once she had arrived there, she slipped on her all black, very sleek and sliming outfit, and had once again dashed out the door. She was just pulling into the parking lot five minutes before the first guest speaker gave their speech.

Shoving her car door open, Sakura toppled out of her car and slammed it shut, slipping her Taser into its holster on her belt, keeping a quick stride as she headed for the building. There was no one in the parking lot, and Sakura mentally cursed herself for being so incompetent. Why hadn't she had just called Naruto? It would have saved her gas _and_ time. Shaking her head as she pushed into the building, she didn't even notice the slim, dark figure in front of her until she ran into him head-on. She was thrown to the ground and he was sprawled against the wall, looking flustered and pissed off at the same time. There was only one person who could pull off that look.

Sasuke Uchiha.

Sakura slowly got off the floor, glaring the whole way up. While the man's body, face, and bank account were all extremely attractive, his cold and arrogant attitude made her want to stick a hot fire poker into her eyeball every time she saw him. She could not stand him. Sighing and brushing herself off, she tried to continue on with her brisk pace, angry that the collision had caused her even more time. But there was a hand at her elbow, and she was yanked back.

"Why are you so fucking late?" Sasuke Uchiha hissed at her, his gorgeous face awash in the light of anger and annoyance. Sakura resisted the urge to roll her eyes and say, 'Language,' and instead glared and ripped her arm from his grasp.

"I had other problems to take care of," she said shortly, and set off again.

There was a rumble of frustration from behind her, but she ignored it and started walking faster. She was walking so fast, that she didn't see the _second_ tall, slim and dark figure in front of her until she ran into him again. This time they both ended up on opposite walls, and she froze in her black boots when she saw just who exactly she had run into.

Itachi Uchiha.

The one, you know, who was her boss.

Who controlled her paycheck and basic living.

She had just crashed him into a wall because she was late.

"Fuck," she muttered and slapped an annoyed hand to her face. Just then, Sasuke caught up to them and glared at Sakura. Itachi looked startled to see his brother, and glanced curiously over at him before he addressed Sakura.

"Why are you running through the halls, security guard?"

"Because she's fucking _late_, that's why." Sasuke said, annoyed.

Sakura glared at him before nodding. "Yeah, I'm late. But I had to take care of something important before this. I wasn't _going_ to be late, until I ran into _both_ of you." She pulled her sleeve up and checked her watch. "Yep. Now I'm late."

Itachi was staring at her with a strange sort of amusement in his eyes. "I see. What was that matter?"

"Yes," Sasuke chimed in, annoyed, "what was so utterly important to be late for one of the most important press conferences of the year?"

"I had promised my neighbor that I would babysit for them, and then you guys told me I needed to come in at seven thirty, and I realized that I couldn't babysit their kid." Sakura glanced at Itachi, who was listening politely. "So I went over to my friend's house and asked him to babysit for me, but I still have no fucking clue if he even _will_ go, but anyways, I was late because I was trying to convince him to babysit."

Itachi leaned back at the information with a small smile, then glanced over at Sasuke's disgusted face. An idea formed in his head.

"Sasuke," he asked, and the smaller raven glanced over in irritation.

"What?"

"What were you doing out here?"

"Going to take a breather? Why do you care?"

Itachi hide his smile under his fingers by placing them over his lips. "I see. So you really have nothing to do, I take it?"

"Obviously. The starter speech has nothing to do wi-"

"I have an idea." Itachi proclaimed, and Sakura's eyes latched onto Sasuke with dread. Sasuke's face paled, and Sakura was stuck by how similar Naruto's reaction had been. She hid her smile by coughing into her arm.

"Sasuke, you go and babysit this poor child and make up for some of your rather disgusting habits of skipping work," Itachi ordered, then turned to Sakura. "And you go to do your duties. You have a full pass to be late on my order. I'm sorry for our interruption."

Sakura gaped at him, then glanced over at the pale, wide-eyed Sasuke.

"Uh," she muttered, holding her hands up. "No, really that's quite alright-"

"Are you _fucking insan-"_

Itachi shrugged his shoulders, pointed at Sakura, then pointed down the hallway. She made a small noise of protest, handed over the babysitting information, then complied and stomped down the white hallway, leaving the two brothers staring at each other.

"You've got to be out of your mind." Sasuke seethed, clenching his fists around the piece of paper Itachi had given him.

"I'm kind," Itachi started, examining his fingernails. "And generous. Gorgeous and intelligent. A bit sick, perhaps twisted slightly. But certainly not out of my mind. That would be quite literally impossible." Itachi looked up and grinned at Sasuke, smugness pouring off him.

"You seriously cannot be considering this," Sasuke said, desperate now.

Itachi raised a fine eyebrow. "Can't I?"

"Of _course_ not! I'm a business man, not a babysitter! I haven't been around a kid in ages, how the hell am I supposed to entertain it?"

Shrugging, Itachi started off down the hallway. "You have to figure that out, little raven. If you fail to care for this child, you are fired."

Then he disappeared down the hallway, and Sasuke was left a blinking, furious mess. What the hell had just happened?

~x~x~x~

Naruto bit his lip and looked down at himself again, making sure he at least looked a _little_ better in his orange, close-fitting t-shirt with a black chest pocket and jeans. At least he wasn't wearing those God-awful sweat shorts he had been sporting earlier. Compared to that, anything would have been an improvement. He ran his hands through his hair a couple of times and checked himself in the mirror. His hair was nearly impossible to tame, and he had not even come close to taming his wild mass this time. All he had done was run a brush quickly through it. He coughed and got out of his car, noticing as a black SUV raced down the street at an alarming rate. Suddenly there was a loud screeching of brakes on pavement, and the black SUV stopped, reversed, and turned around.

Naruto dove out of the street just in time, narrowly avoiding being smashed into the pavement and being made into very colorful road kill. He glared at the car as it violently parked. Then the driver slammed his way out of the car, a chorus of curses, grunts, and banging noises. Naruto was still standing slightly in the middle of the street, watching the stranger angrily yank off his coat and thrust it into his car with a slam. Then he swiveled on his heel, and Naruto was momentarily caught off guard by how attractive the man was. He was all angles and dark lines and hair, wide brooding eyes and long, slim body. He was perfect.

He was staring right at Naruto.

"Why are you standing in the middle of the road?" the man asked in his deep, timber voice. Naruto told his toes to stop curling so he could retort.

"I'm not standing in the middle of the street, I'm standing slightly to the side," came Naruto's slightly childish and very flustered response.

One single eyebrow on the man's face rose in response, but he just twitched it slightly. "Are you high?"

Naruto shrugged, only slightly questioning why he was talking to a random stranger in the street at nearly eight o' clock at night while he had a baby, or a kid, to sit upon.

The man kept his eyebrow up, then turned towards the house that Naruto was going to. Frowning, Naruto glanced down at his paper, and the ink printed there clearly stated: 1356 as the house number.

Looking back up, he narrowed his eyes as the tall man made his way across the green lawn of the house. Shrugging his shoulders again, Naruto followed him.

Once they both got to the door, Sasuke turned in Naruto's direction and jumped, startled. His eyes were wide and his plump lips were open in surprise. Then they snapped shut with a _click_.

"Why are you following me?" He asked, flicking his bangs out of his face.

"I'm not," Naruto replied stubbornly, crossing his arms across his wide chest.

The man's dark eyes seemed to swallow him whole, then spit him out missing vital organs. "Why are you here then?" the man demanded, and Naruto stiffened.

"I'm babysitting ," Naruto relied, trying to look tough while saying the sentence. He failed.

The man's eye flickered in momentary confusion, then cleared with horrified understanding. "_You're_ the friend Sakura thought wasn't going to end up coming?" he growled, and Naruto's eyebrows rose at the mention of his pink haired friend.

"How do you know Sakura?"

"She works for me," the man said absently, staring hard at Naruto's face.

Confusion passed over the blonde's face and stayed. "Wait. So then why are you _here_?"

The man was about to answer just as the door in front of them opened up, and warm light filled up the space of the deck in front of the house. A young woman smiled at them, bouncing a baby in her arms.

The blood left both the men's faces at the same time as they took in the young child swaddled in the mother's arms. The woman didn't seem to notice.

"Thank you guys so much for coming! Ken and I just haven't been able to get a date night in, like, forever." She laughed and kissed the baby's head. "You guys were smart to double-team it. Little Ryou here can be quite a handful."

That's when the baby started screaming, and when the boys started dying.

**~x~x~x~**

**A/N - Did you enjoy the first installment? Please let me know with a review! (They inspire me to write way faster) Thanks for reading, much love, **

**-IC**


	2. Shits, Fire, and Sex

**A/N - Okay, so this is wayyyy longer than my first chapter, which I hope you guys are happy about. I'm starting to wonder if this is going to be 3 or 4 chapters, and I still don't know. Do you guys want a long, drawn out sex scene, or two decent sex scenes with different themes? It's up to you. **

**Also: No babies were harmed in the making of this fic.**

**Warnings: They cuss a lot more in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I AM A PROFIT MAKIN' FOOL! (Enjoy)!**

~x~x~x~

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A FUCKING TEN MONTH OLD!" Naruto screeched into his phone, pacing the halls of the young couple's house nervously.

"Calm down, and there is a BABY in that house, so mind. Your. _Language_." Sakura hissed on the other line.

"Calm down? Calm down? You want me to calm down? Sakura, I've never changed a diaper in my life! I don't know how hard to punch them when they need to burp, I don't know how to put them to bed, I don't like the way they sound when they scream about shit I don't _know_ about, and I don't like BABIES!"

"First of all, you fucking douche, you don't _punch_ babies. You lightly pat their back and bounce them on your knee. Second, don't you have Sasuke there? Can't he help you? And third of all, I didn't know it was a _baby_. I thought it was like some eight year old who you'd relate to perfectly. I thought I was giving you something to do."

Naruto felt like slamming his face against the wall then shoving then his head down the toilet and flushing.

Fucking _Sasuke_.

After the young mom had happily shown them around the house, bouncing the small baby boy Ryou on her hip the whole time, the raven haired bastard had taken the baby from her arms, introduced himself, and waved them a happy goodbye. Once the door was shut, however, he turned steaming, evil eyes on the blonde.

Said blonde had promptly run into the bathroom, locked himself inside, and called Sakura. And there he was, switching between squatting over the shitter, and pacing in the tight, confined space like a tiger on acid.

"I am currently locked in the bathroom," Naruto said, as a way of explanation.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean? Bathrooms lock from the inside, you douche-tard. Wait. Did you lock yourself in? Idiot! Go help Sasuke! I can't afford to get fired because of your dumb ass!"

Naruto rolled his eyes and mimicked Sakura's high tone. "_Language_,"

"This is _serious_!" Sakura screeched, then hung up. Naruto stared down at the phone in his hand, then at his reflection in the mirror. He was pale, yet flushed at the same time. Frowning and turning away, Naruto slammed his head against the bathroom door.

A sharp, squealing scream pierced the air in response, followed by, "YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

Wincing and opening the bathroom door, Naruto peeked his head out of the bathroom and almost dropped his phone in surprise to the sight that greeted him. Sasuke was standing in the middle of the living room, holding the wriggling, writhing eight month old in his arms and making a face of pure anguish. The child, Ryou, was screaming his little head off, and Naruto felt an answering prickle of irritation rush over his skin.

Why had he agreed to babysit, again?

Sasuke glanced up and saw him, and his eyes darkened. Setting the child down so he could madly crawl around Sasuke's legs in tight, furious toddler circles, Sasuke glared at Naruto. "Why the hell did you just lock yourself in the bathroom?"

Ryou stopped in his circling for a moment, made a gurgling sound, sat on his diaper-clad butt, hiccupped, then made a sound that had many similarities to the word sell, or rell, or pell, or, (this was stretching it) hell. The baby was saying hell.

Both men ignored the swearing toddler and took a step closer to one another. "I had no fucking clue that Ryou was a _baby_. I thought he was a fucking eight year old. I thought we were going to make forts! Out of pillows!" Naruto screamed.

Ryou paused again, then reached up his chubby hand and started tugging on Naruto's pant leg. The blonde glanced down, and Ryou, all curling brown hair and wide blue eyes, dimpled up at him before he baby barfed on himself. Sasuke sighed, and Ryou giggled and began to mumble a word that sounded a lot like 'duck'.

Sasuke shot Naruto a fierce glare, and Naruto stuck his tongue out at Sasuke before picking up the writhing ball of human in his arms. He marched him into the bathroom and set him on the counter, then crossed his arms across his chest as he considered his next move. Ryou was swinging his short, chubby legs back and forth on the counter. He paused for a second to look down at his vomit-covered shirt, and for one second he was fine.

Then his little lip started quivering, his chubby hands balled up in terrifying fists, and his face soured like a rotten fruit. He was in screaming mode.

Naruto quickly pulled the child's shirt off his head, but that only succeeded in smearing his screeching face with his own barf, and for another million yeared second, Ryou stopped crying.

Then he was screaming louder than before and Sasuke was banging his way into the bathroom, looking very pissed and very worried at the same time.

"No," Naruto shouted over Ryou's cries for help, "I got this! You see this? It's taken care of!"

"No it's not! You managed to cover him in his own puke, you _moron!_" Sasuke shouted, elbowing Naruto in the ribs and picking Ryou up by the armpits. Naruto watched as he took the nearly naked toddler from the bathroom sink to the kitchen sink, where he promptly set the screaming baby down. Then he pulled the nozzle off, turned the water on, and thoroughly washed Ryou in warm water. The baby stopped screaming for a second, and then that second stretched into a minute, and that minute stretched into peaceful, stress-relieving silence.

Naruto stared at the little baby as it played with the water by slapping his hands against the surface of the water, then squealing in delight when it splashed up against his face. Sasuke was also standing back and watching, his long, lean arms folded across his slim chest. Naruto was momentarily distracted from Ryou's delighted screaming by the way Sasuke's throat moved when he swallowed. Naruto suddenly realized what Sasuke was wearing, and he took the nice, expensive suit in with a confused frown. He still didn't know why he was here.

"Why are you here?"

Sasuke cast him a sidelong glance, then faced him fully. His eyes were so big and deep that Naruto thought he could drown in them. Instead, he raised an impatient eyebrow and cocked his hip.

"I was forced into it," Sasuke quipped, and Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Well, obviously. It's not like either of us wants to be here," the blonde dry toned, and Sasuke scowled.

"Fuuhc," Ryou called, laughing as he fell down in the sink.

"So you didn't volunteer?"

Naruto narrowed his eyes at him. "Didn't Sakura mention how she _forced_ me to come here?"

Sasuke gave him an equally disgusted look. "Well, yes. But in my defense she said she wasn't sure if you were going to turn up."

Naruto smacked his palm against his face. "She is an _idiot_." He growled, and Sasuke rolled his eyes, trying to cover up the fact that Naruto's growl had made his heart rate spike to uncharted levels of speed.

"So, you were forced out of your plans or something?" Sasuke asked, reaching over and removing the soap from Ryou's mouth. The child made a short cry of protest, but then Sasuke forked over a shiny metal spoon and he was happy again. As the boys went back to arguing with each other, Ryou discovered the nozzle to the sink. He gave an evil baby snicker as he wrapped his chubby fingers around it.

Naruto peeked up at Sasuke from the cage of his hands. Then he lifted his head up. "Uh, not exactly."

"What do you mean, not exactly? God, why can't people just answer yes or no?"

Suddenly, there was a loud spray of water and an ear piercing screeching sound, and both Naruto and Sasuke looked over to see the nozzle to the sink spraying gushes of water into the struggling child's mouth. His small lips were wrapped around the nozzle and keeping a forever spray shooting down his throat, causing him to tip backwards and hit his head on the counter.

"NO!" Sasuke shouted, grabbing the nozzle from the baby only to spray him hard in the face. Ryou coughed and opened his eyes for a moment, staring innocently up at Sasuke, before shoving the spoon into his mouth and making a happy gurgling sound.

"He's a fucking terrible baby," Naruto commented on the side, before Sasuke's lip twitched and he threw a baby fork at the blonde.

Naruto resisted the urge to punch Sasuke right in his gorgeous face, and instead stepped on his foot. The raven growled and kicked Naruto in the shin, and the blonde answered with a swift punch to his stomach.

Sasuke doubled over and clutched at his abdomen, eyes darkening. "You little _shit_," he hissed, and Naruto grinned before evacuating the kitchen, running into the living room and diving under the couch. Sasuke followed him in thunderously, lifted up the couch, and hauled Naruto out by his shirt cuff.

Then Naruto tackled Sasuke's legs and they both went sprawling; Naruto on top of Sasuke, Sasuke on top of the floor. When Naruto looked up, he felt a horrible blush run across his cheeks. His head was shoved in between Sasuke's spread thighs, and his hands were firmly wrapped around the raven's legs.

Sasuke groaned and lifted himself up on his elbows, then saw the position Naruto was in. His gaze darkened instantly, but this time, it wasn't in anger. His thighs tightened ever so slightly around Naruto's upper body, and the blonde swallowed quickly. Sasuke leaned down further, eliminating even more space between them. Soon, his minty breath was washing over Naruto's face in waves. Naruto had to give his lungs a reminder to breathe.

"You are so immature," Sasuke breathed, his eyes drinking in Naruto's face like he was a dying man finding an cure.

"You've got a mile long stick up your ass," Naruto whispered hoarsely back, unsure if he should turn away or move closer to the enticing warmth.

Sasuke made a low sound in his throat and leaned forward, closing the distance between them once and for all. Naruto let out a gasp as he felt the soft contact of Sasuke's lips on his.

Just then, the fire alarm went off, and the two jerked apart, their eyes wide, their chests heaving.

"Ryou," they both groaned, and Naruto was up off the floor in a flash, dashing into the kitchen. Ryou was laughing next to the burning ringlets of stove, his little hands stained with dark ash from crawling over the appliance. Sasuke was running around the house trying to find a bucket to put water in, and Naruto scooped up Ryou by his armpits and rushed him into the smoke free living room.

Returning back to the smoky kitchen, Naruto heard Sasuke cussing, even with the wailing alarm and a floor between them. Naruto grabbed the nozzle of the sink in a quick rush, blasting the water and aiming it at the beginning licks of flame growing from the stove. He stayed that way, his right foot pressed forward, his left backward, his arms up and holding the water nozzle like it was a gun, for about two minutes before the fire and smoke stopped coming, leaving behind an acrid scent and a small fizzle.

Sasuke burst into the kitchen, his hair wild, several different buckets filled with water slung around his arms. When he saw the last bits of smoke rising from the stove, he threw the bucket of water onto it, not seeming to notice Naruto standing in the way. The blonde was drenched within seconds, and he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to figure out what exactly had just happened.

Ryou gurgled from the living room.

"YOU ARE A FUCKING IMBECILE!" Naruto screeched, finally opening his eyes and shaking off the water in his hair like a dog. His clothes were sticking to his skin and making a faint squishing sound every time he moved his arms.

"Me? I didn't leave the baby in the kitchen so he could start a _fire_!" Sasuke shot back, not looking the least bit guilty that he had just drenched Naruto.

"We _both_ did! Jesus! And I _still_ don't know why you're here!"

"My brother made me come here!" Sasuke screamed back, unsure of why they were both still screaming like lunatics.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"I cannot _believe_ you let Ryou start a fire-"

"Why did your _brother_ make you com-"

"He could have been _hurt_-"

"I'm still fucking _wet_,-"

They were suddenly interrupted by a loud shrieking from the living room. Sasuke stopped and glared at Naruto before he swiveled on his heel and walked towards the living room.

"No! He wants _me_," Naruto yelled, trampling past Sasuke and running him into a wall in the process. The raven hissed and reached out to pull Naruto back, but he sidestepped him and walked over to Ryou, whose face was red with tears, his tiny nose running. Something smelled decidedly unclean around there, but Naruto chalked it up to baby smell.

"What's wrong, little guy?" Naruto asked adoringly, smiling down into Ryou's face. The little boy screamed louder, pounding his fists on the carpeted floor in his fury.

"He doesn't like you, Naruto, so get _away_," Sasuke seethed, shoving Naruto to the floor and picking up the child in his arms.

Ryou continued to scream, and Naruto bared his teeth at Sasuke. "He doesn't like _you_, filthy bastard,"

"Go _away_," Sasuke snarled, and Naruto rolled his eyes.

Sasuke leaned forward to coo at the small, red-faced child, and his face immediately soured. "Jesus, Naruto, how did you miss his smell?"

Naruto felt like punching the raven. "I don't _know_," he replied, watching as Sasuke held the screaming, writhing baby away from himself at arm's length.

"He _stinks_," Sasuke muttered, and Naruto narrowed his eyes.

"You respect my baby,"

"He is not your fucking baby Naru-"

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you. What was that?"

"HE'S NOT YOUR BABY!"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Sasuke closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and pushed past the furious blonde, tromping up the stairs and trying to keep Ryou's diaper from touching him.

"Get back here!" Naruto screeched, storming after him and into Ryou's room, where Sasuke had him on the changing table. Ryou was doing a strange baby tactic, which involved arching his back up and off the table while kicking his legs, rendering Sasuke nearly useless. Naruto rolled his eyes and walked over to the struggling raven, grabbing the babies arms and gently holding him down to the table, wincing as his screams got louder.

Why did babies scream like that?

Sasuke sent him a thankful glance, then quickly removed his diaper from the poor babies bottom, and Naruto almost puked when he saw how much the baby had released into the white diaper.

"How much can one baby shit out?" Naruto asked, looking slightly green.

Sasuke didn't look much better off, and he shook his head once as he pinched the fabric between his forefinger and thumb, then threw it into the nearby garbage with a shiver. Ryou was still trying to throw himself off the changing station, but Naruto was stubbornly holding onto the twisting child, despite the sick look on his face.

"Please, for the love of God, _get him another diaper_," Naruto wheezed, breathing obnoxiously out of his mouth. Sasuke tried hard to tell himself he wasn't turned on by the sound, and instead rooted around for another diaper. He triumphantly held up an Elmo one, and the look Naruto shot him almost made him laugh. Almost.

He quickly lifted Ryou's legs to slip the diaper under the boy, and suddenly, between one moment and the next, Ryou was releasing another gush of soft, moist baby shit. The feces landed with a splat on the changing table and Naruto made a low sound of pure horror, then gagged and released Ryou to hold a hand up to his mouth like he was holding his vomit in.

"Oh, God," he muttered, then ran out of the room. Sasuke faintly heard the sound of puking coming from the bathroom, but he chose not to focus on that, and rather the big problem at his hands. Ryou had gone into a stage of shock and was sucking his thumb with a traumatized look in his wide blue eyes. Sasuke swallowed and tried not to puke himself, and instead wiped up the large amount of baby poop with the Elmo diaper, then throw that in the trash as well. Naruto returned to the room, looking worn out and horrified, but when he saw that Ryou's problem had been taken care of, his shoulders relaxed immediately.

"Can you wipe him?" Sasuke asked, bending down to search for another diaper again.

"Uh, wipe him?"

Sasuke threw a wet wipe at the blonde's face in annoyance. "_Yes_, wipe his butt and crotch to make sure he's clean."

Naruto stared at the wet wipe in his hands. "Isn't that like, a form of sexual harassment?"

"NARUTO."

"Sorry, sorry," Naruto muttered, hesitantly lifting up Ryou's legs and wiping his hindquarters clean, then his frontquarters.

Sasuke popped back up and quickly slipped another diaper under the baby's legs, then strapped him in and secured the diaper to his butt. Smiling in satisfaction, Sasuke picked up the small child and pressed his lips to the silent child's crown.

Naruto couldn't help the small throb his heart gave when he saw Sasuke gently kiss the baby's head, and he turned away before he could see anything else that would make him want to rush forward and tackle the raven in a hug.

"I think we should put him to bed soon," Sasuke said softly, and Naruto mutely nodded his head, quickly exiting the child's bedroom.

Sasuke followed him out, bouncing the now sated Ryou in his arms, whispering little nonsense words in a silly voice to make the child laugh.

Naruto paused on the stairway, suddenly realizing something. He turned around and pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke. "How the hell did you know how to change a diaper?"

Sasuke froze in playing with Ryou's hair and blinked down at the blonde."Uh," he started, and Naruto raised an eyebrow, waiting. "I just, you know, have done it before. You know," Sasuke blushed and rushed past Naruto, hurrying down the stairs and out of the blonde's sight.

~x~x~x~

Ryou was sitting in between both of the boys, playing with a rubber ball that Naruto had found in the play bucket, and he was making happy little baby gurgles. Sasuke was keeping a close eye on him, and Naruto was trying. He couldn't seem to keep his eyes from straying over to the raven, however, and at some point they had gotten stuck on Sasuke's face permanently. Sasuke's face was soft and defined at the same time, the light filtering through the air and angling his features in a striking way, making him look like a fallen angel. A fallen angel who was currently removing a battery from the baby's mouth.

"Why are you here though?" Naruto asked suddenly, and Sasuke glanced over at him.

"I told you already. My brother made me come."

"But how? And why?"

The earlier anger that had held for each other seemed to have disappeared while they had watched Ryou peacefully play with his ball, and Sasuke looked calmly down at the blonde.

"I have no fucking clue why. My brother is kind of a freak, and he loves messing with me. The reason I listened to him was because he was threatening to fire me if I didn't come here."

Naruto raised an unbelieving eyebrow. "He wouldn't really fire you though, right?"

Sasuke looked exasperated. "If he wouldn't really fire me, do you think I'd just have endured all that for fun? Of course he would fire me. He is bat shit crazy, and the fact that he doesn't realize it only makes him crazier."

Naruto snickered softly, smiling when Ryou came over to him and sat in his lap, reaching around for his phone. He opened up the messages app and somehow managed to click on his mother, where he promptly started to smash his hands against the screen in joy. Naruto scrambled to grab his phone before the baby broke it, and in the process, he accidentally called Hinata, a recent ex of his.

Sasuke noticed the woman's name on his phone and a spike of jealously pierced him, so hot and powerful in its intensity that he grabbed the phone from Naruto's hand and held it to his ear.

"Naruto?" came a confused feminine voice from the other end of the line.  
>Sasuke was suddenly unsure of what to say. Why had he just grabbed Naruto's phone? Why had he just been jealous? What did he think talking to a girl on Naruto's phone would do?<p>

Naruto quickly grabbed his phone back with an annoyed grunt and pushed Sasuke away, holding the phone to his ear and laughing sweetly. Sasuke listened in a stupefied silence as Naruto explained what had happened, then hung up.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Naruto asked, throwing his phone onto the couch, out of reach of both the baby and Sasuke. Ryou gave a small whine in protest. Sasuke blushed and turned away.

"No, I just…"

"Just?"

"I don't know," Sasuke snapped, and Naruto raised his eyebrow, his attention fully on Sasuke now. A small, playful grin tugged at his lips and he leaned forward and poked Sasuke's shoulder.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"A lot of things," Sasuke confessed, then his eyes widened and his blushed even harder, cursing himself for allowing such an embarrassing thing to happen.

"Like?" Naruto asked, edging closer and trailing his lips along the edge of Sasuke's jawline, his warm breath washing over Sasuke erotically. Sasuke struggled to continue breathing.

"Uh," he moaned, turning his head so Naruto's lips were right above his own, hovering, teasing.

"Hmm?" Naruto grinned again, leaning forward and gently nibbling at Sasuke's earlobe. The raven gave a small gasp and he let his self-control go, grasping at Naruto's back and pulling him desperately closer, sealing his lips over the blonde's hungrily. Naruto gave a small whine and tangled his hands within Sasuke's hair, grinding his hips into the raven's eagerly, spiking Sasuke's blood pressure once again and causing him to buck into Naruto.

"I love this," Sasuke whispered, running his hands over Naruto's slight five o' clock shadow, rubbing his own smooth face against the slight stubble.

Naruto moaned low in his throat and bit hungrily onto Sasuke's shoulder, twining his arms around the male and rocking his hips forward again. "Keep doing that," Naruto breathed, licking a path up to Sasuke's ear. "Keep talking to me,"

Sasuke groaned and let his head fall back, allowing Naruto to have the control for a moment. His tongue was like heaven; it sent shivers racing along every nerve in his body, making his hair stand on end, his lungs clench up then release violently.

Naruto's tongue was reducing Sasuke to a shivering mess.

"God," Sasuke hissed when Naruto nipped at him, "you feel so good. That feels so good. It's so soft, your tongue, it's like, _uhn_,"

"Yes, Sasuke, good, keep talking," Naruto urged, slipping his hands into Sasuke's dress shirt and quickly undoing the buttons. Once he was finished, he bent lower and gave a single kiss to Sasuke's soft, flat stomach. It wasn't corded with muscle or sporting a twelve pack, rather, it was a flat expanse of smooth, soft skin that Naruto was tempted to run his hands over all day.

He rested his cheek against the smooth landscape of Sasuke's stomach and was rewarded with a giggle from the raven. Glancing up in curiosity, Naruto smiled when he realized his stubble had tickled him. He ran his face over Sasuke's stomach again, and he laughed and fell backwards, pushing Naruto's head away with a chuckle.

"You should see if that tickles Ryou, too," Sasuke breathed, trying to regain his control. He figured mentioning the baby would sober them both up.

It worked, but only slightly.

Naruto straightened up with a small grin, turning around and looking for the baby. He frowned when he saw that Ryou was no longer in the living room with them. Turning in a circle, he felt his heart speed up in fear. They had lost the baby.

"Uh, Sasuke," he started, glancing over at the raven on the floor.

"Yeah?"

"Where's Ryou?"

Sasuke's face paled as he realized the baby was nowhere to be seen. He turned in a full circle, then put his hands to his head, desperate. "Shit."

"Fuck,"

"We've got to find him," Sasuke spoke, horror leaking from his lips like spilled poison.

"Well, _duh_, Sherlock," Naruto snapped, already on his way to the kitchen. Sasuke left to search the upper floor of the house. Naruto searched in every cranny of the kitchen, listening for the familiar sounds of Ryou's baby gurgles. When none came, he went to scour the dining room, then each of the bathrooms. Finally, convinced the baby was upstairs with Sasuke, he tromped up the stairs and called out Sasuke's name.

The pale boy came running out of Ryou's room, his eyes wide and hopeful. "Did you find him?"

"No."

"_Shit_. We're so screwed. We lost their baby. We lost their _baby_. Shit," Sasuke moaned and let his head fall back against the wall.

"Do you think he's outside?"

Sasuke blew a gust of air out of his mouth. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. Why the hell did you go down on me like that? If you wouldn't have done that, we would know where the baby is."

"_Me_? You're the one who grabbed me and started kissing me!"

"You didn't pull back!"

"That's because I liked it!"

Sasuke was startled into silence, and Naruto blushed, then turned to run down the stairs. Sasuke followed him, quickly checking the front door to see if it was closed. Seeing that it was, he followed the blonde to the back door, where he felt a breeze that made his stomach turn to lead.

The back door was open.

Naruto was outside in a flash, turning on the porch light and scrambling into the yard, calling Ryou's name loudly.

Sasuke walked into the yard, looking under bushes and behind trees, feeling worry gnaw at his stomach until it was nothing but a small bone.

There was suddenly a loud, triumphant shout and then a large scream, and Sasuke looked up to see Naruto running at full speed with a sleepy looking Ryou in his arms away from a swarm of what looked to be bees.

Eyes widening in horror, Sasuke ran up the steps and held open the door for them, slamming it shut when they made it into the safety of the house. Naruto was panting and holding Ryou with one hand, who didn't seem the least bit affected. In fact, he was clinging sleepily to the blonde, his eyes fluttering as he tried to hold them open.

"What the hell happened?"

"This little dude was sitting under a huge bee nest, right? So I go over there and I'm screaming his name, and then I hear his little baby gurgle so I'm freaking out, and I run over to him, right? I didn't see how low the bee nest was hanging, so when I was going to pick him up, my head hit the nest and they just went berserk."

Sasuke stifled a laugh, and instead picked Ryou out from Naruto's arms and carried him up to his room, where he changed him into his pajamas. He rocked the small child for a while before he gently laid him down in his crib, pulling a soft blue blanket over him and walking out of the quiet room.

Returning downstairs, Sasuke glanced at the clock. It was nine, and the parents said they were planning to be home around twelve, at the earliest. How was he going to kill twelve hours with a man who made him want to strangle and fuck him at the same time?

Naruto glanced up when Sasuke walked into the room with a small grin, running his hands through his hair. "He was out fast,"

Sasuke took a seat across from him in the living room, trying to send the message that he was done almost getting into the blonde's pants. "Yeah, he was really tired. I think we wore him out."

Naruto laughed full out at this, and the sound made Sasuke's ears perk up. His laugh was such a happy sound. Then the blonde sobered, and he bit his lip. He rubbed the back of his head, then met Sasuke's eyes. He found that he couldn't look away.

"I have a question," Naruto stated slowly, as if testing the waters.

"And what would that be?"

"Why'd you kiss me earlier?"

Oh, Jesus.

**~x~x~x~**

**A/N - Did you likey? Did you hatey? Got any suggestions? (I am always open to funny scenes and sexy scenes) Let me know! Thank you for reading and reviewing! Much love, **

**-IC**


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